It seems so many people around me are making big changes in their life. One of my favorite Chicago friends is leaving tonight and moving Pittsburgh. She’s getting married to an amazing guy this summer and they are getting ready to purchase a home.

My sister is moving across the country tomorrow. Co-habitation with her boyfriend in a brand new city, one she’s never even been to.  Getting ready to take the special effects and make up world by storm.

Friends trying so hard to start a family. And now soon there will be twin babies around for Auntie Lovely to spoil. Etsy, look out. I’m coming for you.

Marriage. Home buying. Living with boyfriends. Cross country moves.  Babies. It’s sometimes kind of hard to believe we are getting to that stage.

And then there is me.

Me with my Peter Pan Syndrome. Trying so hard to stop time in it’s tracks. Fighting the thought of growing up and trying to be 21 eternally.

But it hits.

I want to do amazing things too. I’m ready for it to be my turn to Do Epic Shit.

I’m not saying I’m going to settle down right now. I won’t be eloping to Vegas with the next guy I meet. I mean, unless it’s RPattz or maybe even Zac Efron. But that’s besides the point! Maybe I’ll move to a new city. Or return to school for real this time. Or maybe I’ll go the freelance route. Who knows.

It will come though. I just gotta keep moving. Learning. Working. Trying. Meeting. Writing. Traveling. Loving. Fighting. Doing.

But what I do know is, I won’t ever give up my Neverland ways completely. Every birthday will still be the [insert number] anniversary of my 21st birthday. I’ll still have ice cream for dinner. I’ll always be down for sleepovers with friends. I’ll continue to make forts out of blankets. And Disney World will still always be one of my favorite places on earth.

I welcome change but somethings just have to stay the same.

The other day while cleaning I came across a stack of photos from high school. This is from someone’s Quinceañera but I can’t remember who since I probably went to/stood up in a million of these things. For those of you not familiar with the term, it’s kind of like a Sweet 15 for Hispanic girls. I never had one because my parents didn’t love me enough.

(KIDDING, MOTHER! BECAUSE I KNOW YOU’RE STILL READING THIS. YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STOP.)

(NO, SERIOUSLY. STOP.)

Anyway, let’s talk about how Mexican I look in this photo. Check out that tan. This is back when I played softball like 6 days a week and I was all athletic and kind of a babe.

(We’re working on getting back there. Soon enough.)

(Vegas in 3 months. OMG)

And then even more vintage Lovely with a baby picture. I was a pretty cute baby.

CHUBBY CHEEKS. WHAT UP.

Things I have done this week:

• reconnected with an old acquaintance and making plans to hang
• was dressed and photographed by a stylist for LOFT (you can win a $200 gift card there too!)
• content managed until my eyes crossed while temping
• launched my new site aimed toward twenty somethings in Chicago: NextGen Chicagonista. Go check it out. You’ll probably recognize a few writers
• four hours of web training for a writing gig

Things I still need to do this week:

• edit NextGen Chicagonista
• babysit
• Chicagonista holiday party
• bang trim
• lunch date with the best friend

So yeah, it’s been nonstop all week. I’m exhausted and want to sleep for about three days.

What’s new? What have I missed around the internetz. Fill me in on all the good stuff!

For years and years, I’ve been a nail biter. It’s a horrible nervous habit. I constantly need to be fiddling with something. Whether it is picking at my nails, twirling my hair or playing on my iPhone. I need to keep my hands busy!

A few weeks ago, I decided to just stop biting them. I painted them a pretty purple color and I think that deterred me from biting. One of them broke and normally that is like the kiss of death and I have to “even them out” and start picking them off one by one. But this time, I filed it and changed the polish and I haven’t bit them since. I think I’m going to treat myself to a manicure and pedicure if I can keep it up for a few more weeks as a reward and to keep me going.

I’m mainly a dark reds and purples kind of gal when it comes to polish. The little color I do have in my wardrobe is those colors as well. I think I need some more variety to keep my hands looking pretty and to distract me from biting.

So give me some recommendations! Do you have a favorite brand or signature color of polish?

I’m thankful for my dad and that he is here despite all of his health issues.

I’m thankful for my sister, the best friend I have. I’m thankful for my brother, who is a punk most of the time but has a great heart.

I’m thankful for my puppy. She never fails to bring a smile to my face.

I’m thankful for my amazing friends. I don’t know what I’d do without them.

I’m thankful I have this outlet and such a fantastic support system.

But mostly, I’m thankful that I’m despite all the bad that’s happened in the past year…

I’ve found me.

I have a bit of a potty mouth. I swear/curse/cuss/whatever you want to call it a lot. I’m trying to reign it in though. TRYING!

I’m terrified of losing my dad.

I hate that I’ve screwed around so much with it comes to school. I should have a career and be more established than I am right now.

Thunderstorms scare the hell out of me. I love them though just as long as I’m inside.

It amazes me how fast you can move on after being with someone for five years. Was it that bad? I guess people deal with breakups differently but I never would have thought it would be like this.

I’m a pretty judgey person. And I’m not afraid of expressing my opinion. This can be both good and bad.

I can dish it out like no other but I can’t always take it. Most of the time, yes. But every now and then, not so much.

I’m kind of bummed I never had the “traditional” college experience. Or maybe I’ve just been watching too much Greek!

I’m scared I’ll never have something like I had with him again. The love, the comfort, the ease, the passion and the balance was all there. Will I ever find that again?

I worry all the stupid things I’ve done to my body may have screwed up my metabolism and I’ll never get rid of this weight.

Sometimes I wish I could just pack up, move to another state and have a fresh start.

Yesterday’s post had been brewing for a very long time. It was definitely time to get it out regardless of who reads it. Maybe some felt it was out of line or mean but this is my place to write and I refuse to censor myself. And sometimes you just need to vent. Thank you to those who commented, I appreciate it more than you know.

That aside, when the hell did it become November? Seriously? 2009 is absolutely flying by. I’m kind of okay with that though.

I think in January I will be returning to school. Clearly the no degree thing isn’t really helping me out regardless of my extreme awesomeness and degree in the internetz. And at 25 years old, I shouldn’t be right here. It is time to load up on classes and buckle down. Get this nonsense out of the way and do what I want to do. I guess I need a little piece of paper for people to take me seriously. But once I do get that plus knowing what I know = POWERHOUSE. I’ll be unstoppable, bitches.

(I’m not a school person at all, if you haven’t figured that out yet.)

Today and the rest of the weekend I’ll be hitting the pavement to find some super fun, retail work (Is retail ever super fun? I don’t think so). I’ll supplement my income with that and the babysitting I’ve been doing to pay for school and things I may need. I figure everyone is hiring for seasonal work so hopefully I can find something decent.

Places that should hire me:

• Apple (shiny pretty techy things PLUS a discount?)

Um, that’s all I got. Okay, all I WANT but I hear they are kinda super hard to get hired by so that’s probably out of the question.

Okay okay, I guess there are other places I wouldn’t mind. So let’s hope something turns up.

But I’m not stopping by search for work in social media. I know what I’m good at and that I would be a great asset to any team. I can always take evening or weekend classes if I do end up finding something full-time.

Yay for Friday!

This is what I go through to try to get at least one semi good picture of me and my dog together.

(Don’t mind the just air dried, messy hair and @wienermobile pajama shirt)

The past few weeks have been great. I just feel like I’m in a really good place. Taking some time away from the not so awesome things in my life and making time for myself has been incredibly helpful. My head is clear. I haven’t been constantly worrying about everything, picking everything apart and wondering what will happen next.

I’m ready for change. I’m ready to move forward. I’m not going to wait around for anything anymore.

Even when it comes to little, stupid things. Like being the first one to send that IM or text. Or clothing. I couldn’t tell you the last time I’ve worn a dress. The past few weeks? I’ve bought three. Or doing my hair before I go to the library because maybe, just maybe, the hot tattooed guy will be working. It’s these little things that no one probably thinks anything of but that make me smile just thinking about.

I’m grateful. I have good people in my life. Friends who will listen. Just be silly with me. Those who will help me plot my next moves and take the next steps to accomplish what I want. I’m getting to know people better. Meeting new friends. The ones who will drink and video chat with me since we can’t be in the same place doing it. People who just get it. That care what I’m up to. Who want to be around. And show it.

My life is far from sunshine and roses. I’m not perfect and I probably never will be.

But for now, I’m just happy. And I’m ready.

For anything.

All this time has given me a lot to think about. Things I want to do, be and see. Hopes and dreams. All that cheesy stuff. There is so much I want to do, I can only hope I get the chance to do it all.

I want to graduate. Be successful in my career. Pack a backpack and just travel the world. Win a ton of money in Vegas. Go to South America. See Machu Picchu. Learn how to cook amazing things. Write a book. Get married. See the Aztec and Mayan ruins. Be crafty. Cut my hair and donate it. Go to New York Fashion week. Go to Paris with someone I love and fall in love all over again. To teach. To learn. Meet Britney Spears. Yeah, shut up.

I want to learn yoga. A boy to write a song about me.  Go on a volunteer vacation in Guatemala or Peru. Own a 1967 Ford Mustang. Move to another city. Learn how to box. Get rich and donate a ridiculous amount of money to puppies. Make people laugh. Make people think. Go to wine country. Learn to play guitar. Lke more veggies. Hug a koala bear. Jets to Brazil to get together for a reunion show and be in the front row. To inspire and be inspired. Make the best red velvet cupcakes ever.

I want to finally learn how to put eyeliner on. An occasion to buy a formal gown. To be sent flowers.  Find the perfect little black dress. Be a princess. Go to Brazil. Stop biting my nails for good.  Be healthy. My dad to walk me down the aisle. To be able to give him money to retire and so he can work on restoring his Mustangs. Scuba dive. Etsy to hire me. Eat lots of pasta in Italy. Swim with dolphins. Make peace with my body.

I want to be happy no matter what I do or where I am or who I am with. I want no regrets.

Now who wants to accompany me in knocking some of this out?