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November 23, 2009 | me me me

I have a bit of a potty mouth. I swear/curse/cuss/whatever you want to call it a lot. I’m trying to reign it in though. TRYING!

I’m terrified of losing my dad.

I hate that I’ve screwed around so much with it comes to school. I should have a career and be more established than I am right now.

Thunderstorms scare the hell out of me. I love them though just as long as I’m inside.

It amazes me how fast you can move on after being with someone for five years. Was it that bad? I guess people deal with breakups differently but I never would have thought it would be like this.

I’m a pretty judgey person. And I’m not afraid of expressing my opinion. This can be both good and bad.

I can dish it out like no other but I can’t always take it. Most of the time, yes. But every now and then, not so much.

I’m kind of bummed I never had the “traditional” college experience. Or maybe I’ve just been watching too much Greek!

I’m scared I’ll never have something like I had with him again. The love, the comfort, the ease, the passion and the balance was all there. Will I ever find that again?

I worry all the stupid things I’ve done to my body may have screwed up my metabolism and I’ll never get rid of this weight.

Sometimes I wish I could just pack up, move to another state and have a fresh start.

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for as happy as i am in cleveland i think about that last point a little too often for my own good.

i’m most scared of never really LIVING.

Jamie Reply:
November 25th, 2009 at 12:31 am

@rachel, I’ll completely agree with that one. I’m scared of that too.

“Thunderstorms scare the hell out of me. I love them though just as long as I’m inside.”

I’m the same way, I love them as long as I’m inside my house, otherwise I run scared.

And about being judgey, I do the same thing I like to tell myself that it’s just me having an opinion but I think I’ve turned away a few friendships just because I was judging. People’s first impressions usually never do them justice.

I have a career and am established but sometimes I think of walking away from it all because its not all its cracked up to be.

I wish the same thing about moving, but I never truly feel like I really can just pick up and head somewhere new.

And for what it’s worth, I had a traditional college experience for Canada and am still nowhere near a career =)

Jamie Reply:
November 25th, 2009 at 12:32 am

@Kyla Roma, we can always pick up and move to the same city

I curse like a sailor too… Oops. And you will find it again, I promise. You deserve it

We’re all messes.

Just stumbled across your blog.

I can relate to so many of these. I’m planning to do the last in a couple of years and it’s what I’m scared of the most.

I never had the “traditional” college experience either. NYU is such a bizarrely different school and once in a while I found myself wondering what it would have been like to go to a school with a campus, a football team, etc. It’s always like that though, right? Grass is greener and all that shit.

You’ll find love again, for sure.

I’d love a roommate in Denver. And there are all kinds of schools in that metro area. And I’m considering Boulder, which is RIGHT ON the CU campus.

I’m just saying.

But I’m serious.

I also never had a “traditional” college experience, in that I transferred twice and attended three different schools, so I was never *really* a part of anything all the way through.

Move to CO with me.

I’m not kidding.

I identify with so many of those it’s scary!

“I’m scared I’ll never have something like I had with him again. The love, the comfort, the ease, the passion and the balance was all there. ”

About a year ago, I broke up with the guy I had been dating for 5 years. While I know it was for the best, I feel the same way you do. Something in our relationship wasn’t right – that something is hard to pinpoint – and I do not want him back but starting again is so scary. I hope that the fact I’ve found it once or twice means I can find it again.

I hope you’ll feel the same way.

Word.

I didn’t have the traditional college experience either.
I kinda think I missed something, and my children will definitely dorm at least for a semester—I blame living alone at 17 for the spiral that had me sampling eat of the eating disorder categories.
And screwing up my metabolism.

Like I said,
Word.

Denver.

Yes.

Think about it.

I have a total potty mouth as well. I feel ya on that one for sure.

The “traditional” college experience isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I thought it was fabulous at the time, but I look back now and realize just how not fabulous it was – I just didn’t know any better.

I had the traditional college experience. I wouldn’t say it’s overrated, but it certainly isn’t peaches and cream all the time.

And I did the whole “pack up and move to a town where no one knows you.” And you know what? It’s just as fucking lonely as when you live in a town where people do know you. Except I happened to move to New York City, so at least I had Broadway, Central Park and the crazies on the subway system to keep me company.

should can be such a crappy word sometimes. There is quite a list of things that I feel like I should be doing but I try not to focus on that too long because it gets me nowhere.

and having the urge to pack up and move to another state? I am SO THERE. I just don’t have the courage or funds.

i’m right there with you on the packing up and moving, but too many things holding me back. one day i’ll do it or i’ll just pack up and travel

Woah.

First: I’m right there with you, girl.

Next: You gave me an idea for a post. I’ll credit you, of course.

I grew up in Chicago, so shout out! I love moving to new places. I got bored with my life a few years ago (I was living in Utah), so I moved to Central America. Best decision of my life.

Jamie Reply:
November 25th, 2009 at 12:33 am

@Jill, oh that’s awesome! Where in Central America?

Jill Reply:
November 25th, 2009 at 4:55 am

@Jamie, San Pedro Sula, Honduras. It was awesome

Hey, I can relate… I’m terrified of forgetting my dad.

Also, I cuss all the fuc… all the time, too!

I have a HUGE potty mouth…and I love it!

Also, I am terrified of losing my dad. Terrified.

Ihear you about the college/university experience. I went full time for 1 year, took a year off, full time for a year, then part time…8 years later I’m still worried I won’t have my degree finished in ‘10. I have zero ‘university friends’. But then again, if not for taking the time off that I did, I never would have net my husband.

I regret not having a normal high school experience. I try to bury every memory of it — and sometimes I worry I’ll lose track of the happy ones.

Great post. Love the insecurities. They make you stronger.

I’m afraid of having, or losing, my Dad. Guess that doesn’t make much sense. I lost touch with him once, or I guess he lost me, really. I was only a child. Now I sort of have him, but hate dealing with his alcoholic crap. He’s such a mess, and I feel guilty for complaining. I wanted him. I’ve got him. I’m terrified of not being supportive enough, and losing him for good.

I know that’s probably not what you meant by “losing”, but I’m terrified of that, too.

The traditional college experience can be overrated when you’re still paying back the student loans from binge drinking and bar tops.

And if you’re ever wanting to up and go elsewhere you always have a place with me.

Jamie Reply:
November 25th, 2009 at 12:34 am

@Meghan, we need to get a move on kicking Oprah out of her talk show spot early so we can take over.

I regretted not getting the typical college experience too, so it was really cool to get to do the living on campus thing and all of that as a grad student.

i love these.

srsly.

Jamie Reply:
November 25th, 2009 at 12:35 am

@tia, I love you. Srsly.

My language is much more cleaned up on my blog than it is in real life. If swear words came out like beeps as they do on TV, I’d never curse again.

I was with a guy for five years before I met Jesse. The breakup wasn’t bad, and actually – getting over him? Way easier than I thought it would be. And six months later I found myself a relationship that was completely different, and even better. You’ll find yours too.

Jamie Reply:
November 25th, 2009 at 12:35 am

@jessica maria, this sounds so weird but I love you and Jesse. Following along your blog and finding out your story just makes me hopeful. I love it.

Awwww! I totally relate. Especially about college and being established. I’m turning 27 in 2 weeks and my life is nowhere near where it should be.

“I’m scared I’ll never have something like I had with him again. The love, the comfort, the ease, the passion and the balance was all there. Will I ever find that again?” – I had this and lost it too. I worry as well. I vote we start a blogger commune, become a reality TV show of sorts, become famous and then surely we will have cute guys who are all of the above and MORE come find us!?

“Sometimes I wish I could just pack up, move to another state and have a fresh start.”- Amen. Where should we go?

Beautiful honest post. Love it!

I can relate to some of those, and I’m sure others can, too. Hopefully it helps to know you aren’t alone in how you feel. We all struggle with things like this list – or even things on this list. Personally, I hear you on nine of these. NINE! So I totally understand darlin’. Keep your head high though. Just gotta take life day by day and hope for the best, and do what you can to make it so.

Doesn’t it feel better to get all those out in the open? I bet it does and I can totally relate to about half of those. But I do have to say I’ve had this same conversation with friends and…

The grass is always greener on the other side.

So love the life you have and always look to the future, never dwell of the past. Happy Thanksgiving!

I share a lot of these with you, lady. Especially the losing of the father part. Having an older father, it’s very difficult to accept that he’ll be going soon.

I loved the honesty of this post.

i often wish i could pack up and move to another state. i mean, but, we can. whenever we want. but it’s scary. and things right now for me are so comfortable. which maybe that’s bad? it can also be good…ugh, life! so confusing. never know what the right thing to do is, or if i’m in the “right place.”

I’m not proud of being too judgey too. It caused a lot of drama my 1st year of college and that was not healthy for me at all.

There’s nothing wrong with cussing haha

I have such a potty mouth. And now that I’m a grown-up (kind of), I have such a hard time turning it off. I’m dropped f-bombs in close proximity to kids WAY too many times.

I totally understand what you mean about the picking up and moving bit. You should apply to KU and if you get in we can live together! It would be a totally awesome puppy party!

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