For years and years, I’ve been a nail biter. It’s a horrible nervous habit. I constantly need to be fiddling with something. Whether it is picking at my nails, twirling my hair or playing on my iPhone. I need to keep my hands busy!

A few weeks ago, I decided to just stop biting them. I painted them a pretty purple color and I think that deterred me from biting. One of them broke and normally that is like the kiss of death and I have to “even them out” and start picking them off one by one. But this time, I filed it and changed the polish and I haven’t bit them since. I think I’m going to treat myself to a manicure and pedicure if I can keep it up for a few more weeks as a reward and to keep me going.

I’m mainly a dark reds and purples kind of gal when it comes to polish. The little color I do have in my wardrobe is those colors as well. I think I need some more variety to keep my hands looking pretty and to distract me from biting.

So give me some recommendations! Do you have a favorite brand or signature color of polish?

I’m thankful for my dad and that he is here despite all of his health issues.

I’m thankful for my sister, the best friend I have. I’m thankful for my brother, who is a punk most of the time but has a great heart.

I’m thankful for my puppy. She never fails to bring a smile to my face.

I’m thankful for my amazing friends. I don’t know what I’d do without them.

I’m thankful I have this outlet and such a fantastic support system.

But mostly, I’m thankful that I’m despite all the bad that’s happened in the past year…

I’ve found me.

I have a bit of a potty mouth. I swear/curse/cuss/whatever you want to call it a lot. I’m trying to reign it in though. TRYING!

I’m terrified of losing my dad.

I hate that I’ve screwed around so much with it comes to school. I should have a career and be more established than I am right now.

Thunderstorms scare the hell out of me. I love them though just as long as I’m inside.

It amazes me how fast you can move on after being with someone for five years. Was it that bad? I guess people deal with breakups differently but I never would have thought it would be like this.

I’m a pretty judgey person. And I’m not afraid of expressing my opinion. This can be both good and bad.

I can dish it out like no other but I can’t always take it. Most of the time, yes. But every now and then, not so much.

I’m kind of bummed I never had the “traditional” college experience. Or maybe I’ve just been watching too much Greek!

I’m scared I’ll never have something like I had with him again. The love, the comfort, the ease, the passion and the balance was all there. Will I ever find that again?

I worry all the stupid things I’ve done to my body may have screwed up my metabolism and I’ll never get rid of this weight.

Sometimes I wish I could just pack up, move to another state and have a fresh start.

It is pretty obvious that I’m a big Twilight geek. I just can’t help it.

Those of you who have read it know that it is like crack. Moody, glittery vampire crack that I distributed and pushed on you all. My own copy has made some rounds and converted quite a few here in Chicago.

And to those of you who scoff and say you don’t like angsty teen vampire novels, I was the same way. NOW LOOK AT ME.

Then when you add RPattz to the picture? I’m done for.

So when Katelin got to meet and interview the cast, I pretty much was freaking out all weekend for her with each text I received and that led to this brief conversation with my sister (ignore the mural part, that was a response to a previous question).

Obviously sad pathetic fan girls don’t say fuck.

Only awesome ones do.

P.S. “Jamie in Chicago” from this video interview with him is me. RPattz knows I exist.This clearly means I’m better than you. (except for Katelin because she got to meet him)
P.P.S. And basically that we are getting married.
P.P.P.S. Registered at Pottery Barn, what up.
P.P.P.P.S. Haters to the mother fucking left.
P.P.P.P.P.S. This is probably the most ridiculous post I have ever written.

Yesterday’s post had been brewing for a very long time. It was definitely time to get it out regardless of who reads it. Maybe some felt it was out of line or mean but this is my place to write and I refuse to censor myself. And sometimes you just need to vent. Thank you to those who commented, I appreciate it more than you know.

That aside, when the hell did it become November? Seriously? 2009 is absolutely flying by. I’m kind of okay with that though.

I think in January I will be returning to school. Clearly the no degree thing isn’t really helping me out regardless of my extreme awesomeness and degree in the internetz. And at 25 years old, I shouldn’t be right here. It is time to load up on classes and buckle down. Get this nonsense out of the way and do what I want to do. I guess I need a little piece of paper for people to take me seriously. But once I do get that plus knowing what I know = POWERHOUSE. I’ll be unstoppable, bitches.

(I’m not a school person at all, if you haven’t figured that out yet.)

Today and the rest of the weekend I’ll be hitting the pavement to find some super fun, retail work (Is retail ever super fun? I don’t think so). I’ll supplement my income with that and the babysitting I’ve been doing to pay for school and things I may need. I figure everyone is hiring for seasonal work so hopefully I can find something decent.

Places that should hire me:

• Apple (shiny pretty techy things PLUS a discount?)

Um, that’s all I got. Okay, all I WANT but I hear they are kinda super hard to get hired by so that’s probably out of the question.

Okay okay, I guess there are other places I wouldn’t mind. So let’s hope something turns up.

But I’m not stopping by search for work in social media. I know what I’m good at and that I would be a great asset to any team. I can always take evening or weekend classes if I do end up finding something full-time.

Yay for Friday!

I’ve never had a huggy, super close relationship with my mom. And I’m perfectly okay with that.

Things have been especially rocky since she decided to spring a divorce on my father out of the blue days after Christmas, while I was out of town and somehow forgot to mention that when she welcomed me back home. Then proceeded to act like everything was fine, ignore what she did and that she didn’t completely throw our family for a loop. She just went on about her business acting like nothing was happening. And when anyone called her out on it, well, we were the selfish ones. Guilt trips and blaming others is her specialty.

Kind of delusional, right?

Then she started to lose weight. Which is great for her because she’s always wanted to. Fine. Whatever. But apparently that made her the expert on all things weight and healthy. And basically ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT. Going shopping with her makes me want to shoot myself in the face. Because she thinks “this is too loose”, “too baggy” and “I think I need a size small” when she clearly doesn’t need a size small. She just wants people to comment about her weight loss. ALL THE TIME. Or like the time she wanted to borrow a dress from me (my mother has never worn dresses. ever). The dress in question was the one I wore to my HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION. What is wrong with this sentence?

MAINLY THAT YOU ARE NOT 17 YEARS OLD.

And then she tries to get me to tell her what size I wear by casually throwing it into conversation. “I got these corduroys. What size do you wear? You should see them.”

1) I do not wear fucking corduroys and 2) SHUT THE FUCK UP.

She feels the need to comment about my weight and what she thinks is subtly commenting on hers and why she is doing amazing and what I should do. She’s been losing weight for all of 5 minutes. That does not make an expert.

For the record, I know I’m enormous right now. I get that. I’ve constantly struggled with my own weight and it yo-yos. Right now, I’m at my highest weight ever and I know I look bad. The past year and a half of my life has been fucked up and it visibly shows. It’s how I reacted to the stress. I don’t need it shoved in my face. It is not a competition.

But I can deal with it in my own and I am taking my own measures to work it out.

And then there is the LET’S HANG OUT stuff. Now all of a sudden when I’m 25 years old, she wants to HANGOUT with me all the time. “What’s new in life, Jame?(not JamIe)” Um, not much.  “I seen a Jillian Michaels Wii game” ….. (well you all know how I feel about Jillian Michaels) “Let’s get wine and drink!” No, I don’t want to get drunk with my mother. “Come over and order pizza”. No, I don’t want to watch you eat one slice of pizza and tell me your full and omg does this top look too big?!

We are not OMG HAAAY GIRLFRIENDs.

I have my own life to deal with. I can’t deal with her midlife crisis too.

And I have a feeling she is living up to those nosy tendencies of hers and reading my blog even though she said she doesn’t/wouldn’t. So if she does, hi mom, welcome to the blog that you shouldn’t be reading.

Curiosity killed the cat.

A couple weeks ago, I was invited to tour The Pampered Chef’s kitchens along with the rest of Chicagonista. We got to meet their chefs, check out new products, learn some new and yummy recipes and eat!

(Hopefully I’ll be posting more on that soonish and have some goodies for you guys too over on my review blog)

But I literally raved on and on about one of the appetizers we helped make all over twitter and to many people I talked to because it was just that good. And when I mentioned the name of it, a lot of you were like OMG WANT! so I thought I’d share the recipe.

What I like best about the recipes they showed us was that they were quick, easy and pretty much idiot proof. I think one of the reasons I’m not much of a cook is I’m convinced I’d be a disaster in the kitchen. But I was a little bit inspired that day so I’m kind of excited about branching out and trying new things now.

Anyway, on to the recipe!

Honey-Apple Brie Bites
1 lemon
1 cup toasted walnuts
2 medium red baking apples such as Jonathan (2 cups finely diced)
1/4 cup honey
1 4in. round (8oz) Brie or Camembert cheese with rind
2 pkg (1.9 oz each) prepared mini phyllo shells (30 shells total)

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Zest lemon to measure 1tsp zest. Coarsly chop walnuts. Finely dice apple. Combine zest, walnuts, apple and honey in batter bowl; mix gently.

Cut Brie into thirty 1/2in. cubes. Arrange phyllo cups on large sheet pan. lace one Brie cube in each cup. Using a small scoop, top Brie with a level scoop of apple mixture. Bake 6-8 minutes or until cheese is melted.

And there you have it. Heaven in bite sized form!

• my ridiculously big purple bag
• Mad Men (the show, the clothes, dreamy Don Draper and the fierceness that is Joan Halloway)
• chicken gnocchi soup at Olive Garden
• adding some color and dresses to my wardrobe. We’ll trying to at least.
• Groupon (just scored one for my favorite cupcake place ever, Swirlz)
• perfect autumn days
• honey apple brie bites (more about that in my recap of touring Pampered Chef test kitchens if I ever get around to it)
• Rufus. I finally got to meet that little guy (and Kaya too!) and I wanted to steal him so him and Edie could hang out and be adorable together.
• movies on ABCfamily. This weekend I watched Stick It and The Prince and Me.

Also, I’m looking for a new show to start watching. I was really late to the game on picking up Mad Men and How I Met Your Mother but I’m all caught up on them now. I’m sure there are other amazing shows I have been missing out on.

Suggestions?