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driving makes me want to punch people

October 25, 2009 | rants

There isn’t anything in this world that I hate more than driving.

Except maybe that red velvet cupcakes aren’t their own food group, the fact that I’ll never be as adorable as Zooey Deschanel, and that there isn’t a job called Professional Book Reader / Lifetime Movie Watcher / Etsy Addict. Because let’s face it, I’d kill it at that job.

But back to driving.

Chicago drivers are ridiculous. And I always manage to get stuck behind the 90 year old people who shouldn’t be on the road driving 20 miles an hour. Or the dude that is just cruising, taking his damn time bumping music so loud that you can’t even enjoy it. Or the person who is from somewhere like Arkansas or Iowa (I have no idea why I picked those two states, I’m sorry if you are from Arkansas or Iowa) and is so enamored by the BIG TALL BUILDINGS that they are veering slightly off the road. Throw those in with Chicago cab drivers who have death wishes and weave in and out of traffic. And the semi-truck drivers I’m convinced want to kill me.

Then if there is any form of precipitation everyone LOSES THEIR SHIT and completely forgets how to drive (if they even knew how in the first place). And don’t forget about construction. Traffic cones and gigantor pieces of machinery to dodge now too! It’s kind of like Frogger (minus the logs, turtles and lilypads, of course. But the traffic part, YES).

Don’t get me wrong, there are parts of driving I do like. Driving up Lakeshore Drive listening to good car music (everyone has good car music. Mine is currently: Jets to Brazil) and seeing my skyline in the distance is probably one of the best things ever. And at those moments, I realize how much I love my city.

But when I have to fight traffic and idiot drivers, I lose my patience. And not even Britney can save me at that point. It’s not a pretty sight. Trust.

And don’t get EVEN me started on the undeserved parking tickets.

Clearly, someone needs to invent the Professional Book Reader / Lifetime Movie Watcher / Etsy Addict job so I can get the hell out of the south side, closer to the el and not need a car anymore.

24 Comments so far
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I’ve sprained my middle finger and gotten laryngitis many times driving behind gray hairs and rico suaves. I don’t even live in the city…I couldn’t live in Boston or I’d be shot dead.

Getting away from the city won’t help. I regularly spend the better part of my hour long commute in rural England stuck behind a tractor or some other form of ferocious looking farm equipment.

If you find out how to have that job, please let me know.

Also, I HATE TRAFFIC. It’s a good thing I don’t have a car.

Road (rage? anger? vaguely upset enough to vocalize my frustration?) is one of my vices. I talk at other drivers–and I didn’t even realize I did it until I was driving with my sister one day and started shouting at a guy who cut me off. It was awkward

Also, I want that job, too.

Chicago drivers suck but Boston drivers are the WORST. Especially since the streets are all one-way and they’re always going the wrong way and we’ve got rotaries and what not. It’s awful.

BUT. Driving up/down lake shore drive on a sunny day with good music blasting? Unbeatable.

This is why I have never, ever driven in NYC. And I never, ever will.

If you get that job could I please be your assistant?

I completely agree, anytime I go somewhere with my boyfriend I’ll make him drive. I love my car, don’t get me wrong, but I hate driving haha. And Book Reader definitely needs to be a job.

um, this sounds like the driving situation in Charlotte. I may even go so far to say that Charlotte drivers are worse than Chicago drivers. People will run blatant red lights, just up and decide that they don’t feel like waiting until the green light. RIDICULOUS.

Oh, I am SO with you on this!! Last weekend, the Boyfriend and I were in Florida and had to drive from Jacksonville to Gainesville. I thought this would be a nice reprise from Upstate NY driving, but believe me, it was just as bad, if not worse! Any of the fights we’ve ever had have probably resulted from being in the car!

I totally want that job too.

I live in a small town, and there are plenty of bad drivers hear too. It’s so aggravating when they interfere with my interpretive car dancing.

Ok, first of all woman, take a deep fucking breath.

Then consider visiting some place a bit calmer, just for a little while. Like a half a year or so. Some place… west of Chicago.

I’ll drive, sheesh.

Have you ever been to Atlanta? Oh. My. GAHHHHHHH it’s the worst for driving.

I know exactly what you mean. Usually around here the worst it gets is the first few snows. There’s nothing quite like having to be in the car for an hour when the drive should have taken 20 minutes.

OMG.

Every morning I take 90 towards the city, and every morning I would rather rip off my fingernails that face that drive for another day.

I hear you.

Driving in traffic that can’t drive is stressful and sucky. The only way to get through it is obscene profanity and a good car cd (I see you already have that one covered). Got an award for you at my blog!

I actually like driving, but then again I’m a Minnesota girl and traffic isn’t all that bad- plus I dont even live in the cities so… sounds like I wouldn’t much like Chicago though! Whoa!

ps- I totally love fun ranty posts… esp when you said LOSES THEIR SHIT. lol… nice.

dude.

try driving out here when people FREAK OUT and start either swerving all over the road or going 10 mph if it even LOOKS like it’s going to rain.

amateurs.

anyhoodle. that job description sounds divine. hit me up if you need an assistant, yo.

Chicago driving is a cake walk compared to suburban driving. I can’t stand suburban drivers!

oh man i can’t even imagine how bad it is driving in chicago. LA is bad for sure but i think you may have more of the lookers at the big buildings and crazy cabs, haha. we just have speedsters and swervers and all around bad drivers. heck both places are bad. i just hate driving and need a personal driver, that’d be sweet.

One word: teleportation.

Keep an eye out for it.

I hate other drivers. I think I have a complex that I know how to drive and nobody else does. That’s probably entirely wrong, but my brain seems to function that way sometimes.

hey i’m just damned excited you didn’t use montana as an example for backwoods.

I think drivers in every city suck for different reasons. I live in a certified retirement city. Enough said. But there are also college kids, so there are two extremes.

I lose my patience a lot on the road because, in general, people are stupid. And it always gets worse when there is rain (or ice/snow, as rare as that is down here.) Period.

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