This whole unemployment thing sucks as I’ve said many, many times before. But in a way it’s good for me.

And no, I don’t mean in the reading through the Chicago Public Library system in one summer kind of way.

It’s taught me a very important lesson.

I still don’t have it figured all out. I doubt I ever will have it all figured out. But I am learning a lot about myself right now. I’m learning what I want. What I don’t want. And more importantly what I deserve.

Yes, I may have a couple things against me. The lack of degree may be a bright red flag to some employers. And yeah, maybe I don’t have the professional experience that some might require.

But I have so much more to offer. I have first hand experience. I’m a writer. I do outreach. I build community.

And I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know it all. But I want to learn. I want to do it all. I’m not afraid to jump right in to something. And maybe I might fail at first, but the next time around, I know exactly what I’ll do to change. I love a good challenge.

Most importantly, I’ve learned it’s okay to say no.

Being unemployed leaves me with a sense of urgency, sometimes even desperation. Obviously, money is a stressful thing. When you don’t have anything coming in and the bills are piling up, it’s a horrible feeling. Feeling like you’re never going to get ahead again.

For a while I was willing to take anything that came my way. I was ready to do the retail thing or get back with the nanny thing or just take any job. Who cares what, as long as it paid.

I’ve realized that it doesn’t have to be like that. I would much rather hold out a little longer searching for the right thing for me. A job that will push me. A job that has faith in my abilities. A job that has me so excited to get to the office or to my computer. A job where I have a voice. A job where people respect me and appreciate the work I do.

The perfect job might not exist. It’s not going to be all sunshine and roses, I know that. But I’ve learned in the past few months that there is nothing wrong with turning down an offer that just isn’t right. And I have a few times. It’s alright to say “no, thank you”. I know what I’m worth and what I want.

And I’m not planning on settling any time soon.

Here’s the thing about me. Once I get started with something, I need to know how it ends. Particularly with books and shows. I hate waiting to find out what happens.

This usually causes me to hole up in my room away from the world and internets until I finish whatever it is. Especially now that I’m looking for work, I spend a lot of time home sending resumes and emails. But basically, I have a lot of free time so get sucked into a new series or show.

You all may remember my reluctance to start reading Twilight then I read them all in three days. Because I just needed to know OMG did they finally just do it already?! Then I proceeded to push those books on many of you and got you all hooked.

Then there was Desperate Housewives. I know, kind of random, right? But you see, when you are unemployed such as myself and there is a show you have never seen that is on every day for two hours, it’s hard not to get sucked in. Plus, it’s on Lifetime and we all know my weakness when it comes to that goddamn channel. But yeah, so there was an episode last week that ends all, “5 years later…” and then the next day instead of picking up there, the whole series STARTS ALL OVER. And I’m like dude, where is Mike? And why does Gaby have two kids? And totally not surprised the twins are practically little felons.

I JUST NEED ANSWERS.

And don’t even get me started on the Sookie Stackhouse books*. Just don’t. These are the books that True Blood is based off of. Yeah, I flew through all of 8 or 9 of those in like a week and a half. Now I’m done with all the books that are out and I’m all WTF?! NEED MORE ERIC! and everyone is like “oh, the next book is out in October, it’s cool”.

OCTOBER? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? THAT IS LIKE 3 MILLION YEARS AWAY AND DEFINITELY NOT COOL. WANT ERIC NOW.

After I read the books I decided I needed to see the show. I’ve caught a few episodes randomly but I needed to see everything from the beginning. Then I downloaded season one and finished in like a day and a half. Right now, I’m downloading episodes 3 and 4 of season two and I’m practically staring at Azureus watching the seconds pass because it is JUST NOT MOVING FAST ENOUGH.

So yeah, I might have a touch of an addictive personality. But I just can’t help it, I love a story and knowing what happens.

I’m now looking for what I will start once I finish True Blood. I think it will be How I Met Your Mother.

* Read them. Do it. Charlaine Harris. Trust me, you’ll love me and hate me for recommending them but just do it.

I’m actually over at Jess’ place, Everyday Adventures of Me in the City while she is living it up on vacation.

You can find my post about being a picky eater but wanting to be a foodie here.

I didn’t really know what I wanted to write about today. Then the record scratched. Someone hit the breaks and my world decided to explode into tiny pieces.

It’s every social media and internet addict’s worst nightmare. The internet decided to quit on me. And the True Blood thing? Well, that just added salt to my wound.

Funnily enough, I had just tweeted this the night before:

(Yes, I did. Ask my sister. She thought it was the funniest thing ever. But seriously, sometimes hashtags are just needed.)

And after all this nonsense today, I think the internet is just trying to spite me and show me who is boss.

But you know what, internet? I have other things to do. I have books to read, shows to watch, jobs to apply for and people to  chat with on iChat. So mess with someone else’s connection, jerk. I don’t need you**.

* Just kidding! Please, don’t leave me.
** I lied, I need you. Please, please bring Twitter back. I promise not to talk back again.***
*** Unless you take my blog down again, then we will have a big fucking problem.

• Shark Week
• adding TW to every word because of Twitter
• Dane Cook
• people who are ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION and ignore multiple important emails
• possible employers not realizing my absolute awesomeness and just begging me to work for them*
• Chicago weather
• people who treat you like shit then have the balls to ask you for favors
• lying by omission
• why 3oh!3 felt the need to throw Helen Keller into a song that was catchy and fun and ruin it***
• Britney Spears hanging out with Lindsay Lohan again
• puppies who like to jump on your bed after playing in puddles

Feel free to add to the list in the comments.
* Before anyone jumps on me for that statement, I know it doesn’t work that way. Ever heard of a little exaggeration?**
** But for the record? I really am effing awesome so shut it.
***I’m not saying they are musical geniuses, it’s just a fun song. Okay, music snobs?

What?

Okay yeah, I know there are two huge things wrong with this dream of mine:

1) I have no rhythm and can’t dance very well (it takes a lot of alcohol to get me to the floor).
2) I’m like 3272034 pounds too overweight to be a burlesque dancer.

One of those issues could be resolved though and no, I don’t mean that I’m going take dance classes.

Let’s hit the gym, yo! I want me some fancy lingerie and boobie tassels!

(What?)

I’m sure many are wondering what brought the realization of this dream on. Well, my best friend (formerly known as the boy) was going to be playing VIP host for the night and very last minute managed to get me on the guest list for Ivan Kane’s Forty Deuce.

Forty Deuce is a burlesque show that is normally in Las Vegas at Mandalay Bay but I guess they have hit the road. So they were going to be at the Venue in the Horseshoe Casino which is all of a five minute drive from my house. What was really neat about it was how they mixed musical genres. It went from a “classic” burlesque set (Hey Big Spender) to a rock set (Pink Floyd’s The Wall) to a funk set (with some Kool and the Gang). And in between each “set”, there was an awesome DJ, Graham Funke, who is a resident at many Vegas clubs. I’ve seen him play before, he knows his shit.

Best part about it? Watching the show with best friend’s parents. While some might find that kinda awkward, I was all: whatevs, boobies bring people together. And then his mom loudly saying one of the girls had a “fat butt”. I almost died laughing.

All in all, it was a great show and a lot of fun. I wish I would have had more guest passes and notice and I would have invited some Chicago ladies along. It would have definitely been a great girls night outing!

ANYWAY.

Back to my future burlesque career.*

Watch your back, Dita Von Teese**. My boobie tassels will be better than yours one day.

* I think my career is ending before it even begins.
** Let’s just let Dita continue to think I’m a threat.

‘

off in the night while you live it up, I’m off to sleep.
waging wars to shake the poet and the beat.
I hope it’s gonna make you notice…

I hope it’s gonna make you notice
someone like me.