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April 13, 2009 | body image, weight loss

Anyone who knows me, knows I constantly struggle with my weight and food. I’m always one extreme (restrictrestrictrestrict) or the other (eateateat) and it’s hard for me to find a healthy medium.

I’ve had a lot going on since late last year. I’ve dealt with a heart wrenching break up, an incredibly stressful internship which had me working 12 hour days, existing off peanut M&Ms and food ordered in from Grub Hub and left me feeling unappreciated, along with the never ending family drama.

Needless to say: STRESS = EATING

Too bad I’m not one of those people who just can’t bear to look at food when I’m freaking out about my life falling apart, right?

Well, obviously just by looking at me, I’m not one of those people.

I’m at the highest weight I’ve ever been at. The thought of stepping on the scale to confirm that, scares the shit out of me so I’ve been staying far, far away. I just know though. I feel heavy. Massive. My clothes fit differently. The thought of packing for a Florida vacation a few weeks ago nearly sent me into meltdown mode.

So it’s time for detoxing.

Cutting down the pop intake until I can finally convince myself to stop drinking it completely. Lean proteins. Fruit. Water water water. Laying off the carbs. Time to man up and step on the scale to find out that scary number to further convince myself that, no, I don’t really need those french fries. Time to extend those walks with Edie. Time to really exercise.

I know if I really wanted to, I can drop weight off really, really quickly. I know my body and know how to get things done but I don’t want my world to revolve around calorie counting, skipped meals and hopping on the scale every time I walk past the bathroom.

I don’t want to be a mess. The mess that I am now or the mess that I am when I work myself up into a crazed dieting frenzy.

There has to be a balance somewhere.

(And I swear to god, if someone comments with: “Oh it’s so easy. Just watch what you eat and exercise”, I will cut a judgey bitch. You have NO idea what it is like to really struggle with weight so shut your face. Seriously.)

56 Comments so far
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You know, I’m glad you added the little footnote on it not being easy. People seem to have a problem accepting that it is HARD for some people to lose weight. It is socially acceptable to have a hard time gaining weight — no one has trouble understanding that — but everyone seems to have a hard time wrapping their heads around the concept that some people’s metabolism is the exact opposite and they have a hard time losing. But, it makes sense doesn’t it? If it’s hard for some to gain, it will naturally be hard for some to lose. I wish people would accept that and stop acting like people that are overweight are lazy and just need to eat less and exercise…

belles last blog post..Waiting.

I struggle with my weight, too. And it ain’t easy. Not. At. All. You’re off on the right foot, though, and I really like your approach of cutting back on the cokes (we call them cokes in GA, regardless of what it really is) rather than cold turkey quitting them. I’ve learned too many times before that reducing is much easier than cutting it out completely. Baby steps. Baby steps. Hang in there! Good luck!

I think the trick to losing weight is different for each person. Sounds like you know what it takes to take the weight off quickly. And also what it takes to put it back on. Sounds to me like you could probably pull in the reigns a bit without cutting yourself off entirely. You might not lose the weight as quickly as you could if you did something more drastic, but it might also be easier to keep the weight off. Or you could just amputate your leg. That’s bound to be a weight reducer. =)

SoMi’s Nilsas last blog post..Holidays

I’ve always struggled with my weight. Always. I know it’s as easy as eating less and exercising more, but I’m a stress eater too. I eat when I’m stressed out, I eat when I’ve got nothing to do but think, etc… It’s a terrible coping mechanism. I’m trying to seriously cut back on my food intake, and luckily I’m finally in a good place in my life where I have the support from my SO who is willing to help me with my goal and doesn’t make me feel ashamed for how I feel with myself. So I hope you find the support you need to stick with your new plan! I’m finding that support helps keep my motivation, so hopefully it’ll help you too.

Jenns last blog post..FAIL.

In the past year I’ve lost all self-discipline. Comfort weight is a terribly annoying thing.

Bens last blog post..A look back and a look ahead

I know I always say this…but Zumba is such a fun way to get a good work out in! Also, please know that we are all here cheering you on to finding your best self. Rah Rah! Can you hear us yet?

Sara Janes last blog post..Happy Easter!

i struggle with constantly making bad food choices and the best advice i can offer is: take it day by day and just try not to beat yourself up too much.

good luck!

thatShortChicks last blog post..Easter is for cupcakes*

I don’t know what it’s like to struggle with weight … and I do know that watching what you eat is hard (when I work out more, all I want to eat is junk food – which is sort of counter productive). I know that you can do it, and you sound like you have your head on straight. And you can still eat the crap – just eat it in moderation (again, easier said than done).

Good luck! I’m rooting for you!

SuperCareos last blog post..Like sping cleaning, only smellier

You have a great attitude towards this – that’s what helps you succeed. What i’ve found is that starting out slowly helps, rather than jumping all in at once. Rather than eating salads every day and never having soda (pop – hehe), try it twice a week. It helps, every little bit helps.

Laurens last blog post..Top 5 Friday – Episode Two

I’m in the exact same boat! I lost a bunch of weight when I graduated college but now that I’m feeling more settled in my routine it’s starting to creep back on and it’s not that I’m statistically OVERweight but I’m just not comfortable. Once you’re truly motivated to lose, it sounds like it WILL be easy for you – you said it yourself, you know what to do: longer walks, less soda, lean protein, etc.

I did Weight Watchers a few years ago and it worked great because you don’t have to completely deprive yourself of anything.

Good luck!

mariss last blog post..On The Side: Creamy Goat Cheese Polenta

ah babe. right there with you! You are on the right path xoxox

amys last blog post..alone on easter with a ruptured eardrum and little pain meds

Woman, I’ve struggled with my weight since I hit puberty. If anyone tells you it’s easy I will join you in punching them in the face.

Arielles last blog post..A sad Passover story

Have you ever tried using sparkpeople.com? I’m completely with you in the “highest weight ever” club, and someone recommended it to me. I found it a fabulous help! The meal planner is easy to use and helped me be more thoughtful about what I’m eating. It is NOT a starvation diet, and helped me learn I need to eat way more than a bowl of cereal at breakfast. I’ve actually increased what I eat, but make better decisions about what I eat. It gives you real desserts too, which I’m totally down for! I’ve been doing it for 2 weeks and I’m already down 6lbs. Good luck!

Tias last blog post..Starting Over – the story

My heart’s with you. I know exactly how you feel and it’s a huge pain to be in that mode. On a positive note, at least it’s almost summer and if the cooler weather doesn’t take over then that should make it easier and more fun to walk with Edie and mix fun things in.

You will do great!

Pattis last blog post..E-Books

It sounds like you have the perfect attitude towards your weight. It’s all about baby steps. Make changes that you can stick with.

I wish you luck. I’m going through very similar terrain right now. I hate that my clothes aren’t fitting and that my knees hurt. I’m trying to work on things in a sensible way but it is hard.

Iriss last blog post..walk it out.

I’m also at the highest weight I’ve ever been at – combine a lazy girl with a desk job and it’ll happen – and I’m ridiculously miserable about it.

Problem is that I can’t seem to get myself in gear or motivated enough to change it. I always *want* to, but sucking it up and finally sticking to some sort of plan seems impossible.

I wish you luck, and maybe we can figure it out together because I miss the girl who didn’t carry this extra 15-20 pounds.

Mindys last blog post..The divide only widens.

It is hard! It’s especially hard to go from that place where you just feel like ick to the place where you feel like you want to do something about it. It sounds like everything in your life was pushing you to put yourself on the back burner. I have so been there. Good for you for making the way you feel a priority. And for doing things sensibly.

Allies last blog post..Allie’s Answers: Now With 100% More Courtney

I don’t know if this is at all helpful, but Glamour magazine has an article about healthy eating in this month’s issue and on their web site. It’s really helped me start to eat healthier.

Lindsays last blog post..Holiday

I think a little weight on a girl is HOT.

not like roseanne barr or anything… but you know, I’m not into skinny girls like amanda bynes.

so yeah…

Matts last blog post..Is it everything you hoped?

You’re right, it’s not easy at all, but it sounds like you’ve got the right idea by seeking balance. You can’t go crazy but you can’t deprive yourself. It takes a lot of time and work, but you can do it, and we’re all here to support you!

The Modern Gals last blog post..The MG, now in superhero form

To me, everything = eating. I’m working on portion control and not eating just because I have nothing else to do. And to top it all off, my eating habits are very poor. Candy bars and chips, sometimes I have an actual meal on the weekends. It’s so hard to change your eating habits, so I understand where you’re coming from. Especially when there are so many things stressing you out that you turn to something you like to do: eat. I love eating. I love food. It’s quite dangerous, actually. :/

Jaime @ Fast Timess last blog post..Epiphany

good luck boo! i totally understand what you are going through. i was at my heaviest in my life when i got laid off from work. i didn’t even realize how much i was stress eating until one day i had to use serious force to buckle my belt on the FIRST NOTCH. and so here i am week four of working out and watching what i eat and i feel SO MUCH BETTER. Am I back to my normal size? not even close. did i eat inordinate amount of food over the easter weekend? you bet!

goodness knows, it is never easy. the key for me was staying away completely from thing i know i cannot eat in moderation (pizza and fries).

dmb5_libras last blog post..Question And Answer Fridays

I’m in exactly the same situation. BUT I went to the nutritionist and she warned me – you cannot cut the carbs. In order to burn fat, you must take carbs. If you don’t do this, then your body will “eat” the muscle instead of the fat. And we don’t that.

So, look for the glycemic index chart and see why carbs are “low”, and that’s the ones you must eat.

Good luck!

Andys last blog post..Cuteness Overload.

I loved your footnote. It IS hard and I hate it. Dieting sucks. Finding that happy medium IS difficult. Good luck!

remember momentss last blog post..~what a girl wants~

I’m with you on fruit. I know that in itself won’t lead to weight loss, but I like fruit and am sooooooo happy that it’s considered healthy. Yay fruit!

michelle woos last blog post..Analysis

i’m right there with you jamie, project weight loss is in full effect over here. and i know we can do it and it will be awesome, woo!

katelins last blog post..A hip hoppity good weekend getaway.

I feel ya, sister. Remember: fat is a feeling, not a shape! I’ve struggled plenty too, and even though I’m happy with my weight now, I dont always feel attractive. Its like all of the years spent carrying extra pounds damages the pscyhe.

Call yourself gorgeous every day, even if you dont feel it.

xoxo and good luck!!

Chef Greens last blog post..Gearhead

Oh yes, I DO know. lol. When I was in high school (over 10 years ago) I was a size 3, I was married in a size 10 dress, and about two years ago I topped out at 211 and in a size 22.

I won’t tell you it’s easy. Cause that’s not what you want to hear. I’ll tell you this, it’s not always FUN. Sometimes it sucks..hard.

Just Jinnys last blog post..My own march madness

thank you for your post. I can completely, totally and 100 percent relate to what you wrote today. I have been feeling the exact same way and I know it is time to change and actually do something about it, but it is hard. it’s easy to say, “I’m going to eat better, I’m going to put those running shoes on,” but it is another thing to do it. I’m also at the heaviest I have ever been and I am feeling like crap. probably the only difference for me is that I don’t drop weight very quickly. the only time I have ever lost a significant amount of weight was in high school when I essentially stopped eating. I ate, but not much. I can’t seem to skip meals now that I am older, which is a good thing I guess, but still… I am like you– when my life is falling apart, I eat more, not less!

anyway, sorry for the rambling comment but just wanted to let you know that I am right there with you and I know it is definitely NOT easy. I guess there is only one thing left to say, good luck to both of us!

Carissas last blog post..Unchain my heart

I’m a true believer in detoxing (as long as you do it right) not just for the health aspects, but also for the psychological aspects. When I feel like I’m eating healthy, and doing something good for my body, I actually feel better! If you need any tips let me know, and good luck! The first three days are usually terrible as you go through withdrawal from everything bad for you, especially caffeine, but after that it’s totally worth it!

losing weight is hard and it SUCKS but if you need a buddy for motivation, I could use one too. I’m in the same boat as you are.

Maggies last blog post..Happy Easter Weekend!

It is SO not easy, I start a new diet every week, ha ha ha. Whenever I see yet another movie where a girl is SO stressed that she stops eating and loses weight, I always remark outloud “I WISH”, to which my bf rolls his eyes and mutters something under his breath. Urgh. I wish I could lose weight easy too.
http://fab.typepad.com

Fab Brunettes last blog post..Rely On You

I’m going through the exact same thing… I’m a week and a half into my diet and it’s so freaking hard. All my friends are a size 0-2 and I don’t know if any of them go to the gym, but I try to go as often as possible and nothing. I love food too much. Good luck though!!

Reeder’s Corners last blog post..My Long Weekend Included…

You made me drop the chocolate bunny I was devouring prior to reading this.

Thank you.

Sarahs last blog post..Memories from my Youth: The One that Got Away Because I Told Him to Go

I find detoxing incredibly hard as it’s not about just the food it’s about comfort and routine. I find green tea can give detox but also that sexy caffeine to start the day. I have a detox soup recipe on me blog to check out. Good luck, not that you need it gorgeous

Meghans last blog post..To the Batcave, Robin!

Good luck sweetie!

I hate when people make comments about how easy something is. I’ve been getting a lot of those in the pregnancy department lately. Yeah, if it was so simple, I wouldn’t be having these issues. Smack the stupid people!

Erins last blog post..Yummy Lasagna Roll-Ups

this has been something i’ve been dealing with my whole life – and fuck no it isn’t easy.

if losing weight was easy EVERYONE would be thin.

detox or not, just promise me you’ll be healthy about it.

you can do it!

alexa – cleveland’s a plums last blog post..but i don’t wanna write a recap

Honey I’ve been there and am there right now. I need to move the strawberries away form me because I will eat the entire bin. Sad. Well, I <3 you just the way you are

Jessicas last blog post..Key Learnings, Easter and candy coma

I’m one of those people that don’t eat when I’m stressed and I know it’s not good. I’ve lost 15 lbs in a few weeks from not eating and just going going going. You’ll lose it and it won’t be easy. Especially with so many yummy foods out there. Just make sure to do it the right way. I’m sure Edie will appreciate the extra attention as well.

PS You might not feel beautiful on the outside but your blog portrays you as a beautiful person on the inside.

One of my favorite health websites is http://nutritionista.tumblr.com/. It gives a lot of really practical, tasty advice about food. I think my favorite thing about it is that it provides meal plans and ideas for eating that are healthy, well-rounded, and even pretty tasty and filling. I think the thing I hate most about dieting is knowing that I won’t be able to eat things that taste good because for me, a big part of the satisfaction that comes from eating is from taste. (It’s certainly not because of how I feel after.) Eating things that taste good though and that are good for me is not only satisfying, but it makes me feel better about myself, which means not only am I feeding my body the right things but I’m giving myself a boost in confidence which means it’s less likely I’ll overeat.

Good luck finding whatever works for you. I know it’s not easy.

I have struggled with my weight in the past, sorted it out and am now struggling with it again. I know what I need to do, but it’s not that easy. Social stuff and stress just gets in the way. I don’t want to give up enjoying life because I’m counting calories all the time, but I also know if I don’t do something about it now, I’m going to lose all control of it.

Paulas last blog post..ONCE AGAIN . . .

I completely understand. I’d been doing so well dieting – it was hard, but I was losing weight. All it took was one week vacation to fall off the wagon and lose all the habits I’d just spent two months forming. I’m trying to get back in the habits of tracking what I eat again and avoiding snacking, but it’s so hard. Good luck! Committing yourself to it is a great first step.

You can do it, babe! Just think of how good you will feel when you get there! xoxo

Mermandas last blog post..The one where I’m cranky

*hugs* I know how you feel, and I am the exact same way with stress eating. In an attempt to combat this, I’ve started walking Lucy every day and doing some workout DVDs (one workout a day.) So far, I haven’t noticed a difference, but my mother and boy have both commented about me looking slimmer. Maybe that will work for you, as well?

If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here!

E.P.s last blog post..The new look…

Oh man can I ever relate. Especially to the part about being afraid to step on a scale. I avoided scales for about 3 years until January 1, 2008 when I decided I might just need to face my fear, see the scary number, and get motivated from it. So I did. Was it bad? YES. Did it kill me? NO. Instead, I got motivated. I did the South Beach Diet…and some people say that “diets” don’t work, and they’re right. It was a lifestyle change. I lost 42 pounds and I’ve kept it off…and it was all from making better choices. I don’t work out like a fiend either…I have two dogs, so I walk them, and I work in a downtown city so I try to get outside on my lunch breaks and walk and get some fresh air. You have the right idea. When you feel like you’re getting to restrictive and you’re insanely craving something, have it, but just have a little bit. That way you’ll satisfy your sweet tooth and not go overboard. I know you can do it. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ll pull through, and you’ll look (and feel!) amazing. xoxo

chasingparadises last blog post..5 on a Friday…for lack of a better post.

I really don’t want to be categorized with “it’s easy just eat healthy and exercise” because I do have an idea what it’s like to struggle with your weight. While I’m relatively healthy, I’m still the largest of my 10 girlfriends from high school – more of a curvy type. And anytime I don’t watch what I’m eating at EVERY.SECOND. I gain a pound.
So, I think it’s not “easy” at all, but diet and exercise really is what has worked the best for me. Oh, and SparkPeople.com, which how I stayed motivated with my diet and exercise. It’s a gigantic bitch, but counting calories and working out hardcore allowed me to drop 10 pounds in a month! It was SUPER difficult to stick with, but I had a goal in mind, and I posted pictures of my skinnier self to motivate me. Check it out!
Good luck!

Right now I’m struggling with eating poorly because I’m too busy/stressed. Which I know, isn’t an excuse, but it’s what I’m going through. And my energy levels are all over the damn place because of it.

I’m not really in a place to give you advice, because I had a fucking cookie, granola, and popcorn for lunch- but I will say this: be nice to yourself, because if you’re coming from a really negative place, you’ll never feel good about yourself. Also? I love you.

The end.

nicoleantoinettes last blog post..mothers, publishing, and brazilian waxes

No judging here! IT IS HARD! I know this. If I didn’t watch what I did, I’d tip the scales to numbers I’m scared to see…

Good luck to you! There will be downs! But there are many ups ahead!

xo.

mels last blog post..why you should not use tanning beds

I could have written this myself.
Last Thursday I was at a really low place for the first time in a long time. I’m always trying to watch, and for the most part I do a pretty good job of eating well, but as soon as I fall off the light and fit wagon I feel like a failure. Cue meltdown.
I keep thinking that as soon as life calms down I can do better. But I’m starting to realize that’s just an excuse.

You’re lovely, Miss Lovely. Don’t forget that.

Shabas last blog post..The Details

Oye I’m in need of a cleanse. I did one a while back, and I really liked how it forced me to find ways to fit fruits and veggies into my diet (because it was a whole foods cleanse, so it was either do that or starve.. which I did some nights but Cale didn’t appreciate the grumpy starving Steph). Plus it helped realign my taste buds and helped stop my horrible cravings for sweets. Good luck to you, and believe me you’re not alone.

Stephs last blog post..Another Self Portrait? Okay. I guess.

i’m also at the highest weight i’ve ever been. i hate to exercise and i loooooove food [esp. desserts and fried things]. i’m trying to be in that mode also – “no i don’t need this”. i’m hoping it also helps with the fact that i’m almost broke.

anyway, good luck

Amys last blog post..Easter

Jamie, nothing you described in your “really easy” section sounds really easy to me. It sounds restrictive, and awful, which is why (I’m guessing) you haven’t done it. Losing weight quickly isn’t always the answer – you’ll just yo-yo, and that’s no good either.

I totally know what it’s like to struggle to lose weight. It can be so frustrating, and it can take a long time. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Mishis last blog post..It’s time to go

I’m right there with ya. Been working steadily at it for a year now and NOTHING seems to work for me. I didn’t go all crazy and stop eating but I cut out pop and most junk food (you have to give in some times). Fast food is almost non-existent AND I’ve tried every exercise available (running, biking, workout dvds, etc).

Good luck!

Ok – so I know I already commented here, but I’ve been using this one myself and I thought you might like to try it. Have you ever heard of http://www.sparkpeople.com? It’s tracking site with a social network, recipes, and fitness advice. I’ve just started using it, but so far it’s really great!

Mishis last blog post..The $89 disappearing act: Part 3 of 3

I’m so sorry about your situation. I know it’s a real problem for some people, but you have to believe that you will get there!! Confidence is #1!! You CAN do it.

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