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5 Essential Relationship Tips from Someone not in a Relationship

January 14, 2009 | Gals' Guide, guest post, lists, relationships, ridiculous things

Hi, I’m brandy and I write here. Jamie asked me if I wanted to do a guest post for her and I said ‘yes! absolutely!’, because I have it on good authority Jamie will one day own the internet and I want to be on her good side when that happens.

You know when you have an idea that’s so crazy that you have to write about it? Like, that time you decided to go a week only drinking things from a funnel? Or that time you went to Mexico and got a gang member to explain to you what each of his tattoos meant when you bumped into him in an alley? Or that time you voted *Republican?

That’s what todays post is like. After getting 4 random emails in the last week asking for dating advice, from both bloggers and real life friends, I thought I would impart some tips for the ladies about relationships. Why is this idea so ridiculous? It could be because I’m currently as single as humanly possible. So much so that asking me for relationship advice is similar to asking Tara Reid tips on sobriety. It’s just a silly idea. But, I thought it would be fun to try and everyone needs a good laugh during a long week. So open up your knowledge basket, because I’m about to fill it up.

1. If a person likes you- YOU WILL KNOW. Stop. Re-read that first sentence. Now read it again. AND AGAIN. Read it until it is carved into your memory, burned into your eyeballs. Read it until you choke on it. Guys don’t play hard to get, so if he IS hard to get? Then he’s not the guy for you. Move along. Trust.

2. Sure, relationships are work but if it’s more work and less play, more tears than laughter, more Ike and less Tina then it’s not worth it. Relationships ARE work, but a relationship shouldn’t feel like a full time job, unless you are getting paid. And if you are getting paid for sleeping with the guy? Then you are a hooker and not a girlfriend and this post doesn’t apply to you.

3. Make up sex is hot, but you know what’s even hotter? Compromising so you don’t argue in the first place. Okay, that’s a lie but you could try it and see if it works for you.

4.”I’m sorry” doesn’t fix things as quickly as “I was wrong” does. But, sometimes it’s nice to hear both, so say each when you mean it.

5. If you have sex in person, you need to dump them in person. If you’ve only had phone sex, you can dump them on the phone, but I assure you, a message left on a machine is just not classy.

Any tips you feel should be on the list?

*Kidding. I promise. I miss politics. Let’s still be friends?

43 Comments so far
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Wow. #5 is by far the most awesome piece of advice. EVER.

Phils last blog post..25.

Amen on #1. I know too many people who don’t know this rule.

Arielles last blog post..Interview thingy

love it, love it, love it!

erins last blog post..tee, tea or t?

I love this post. I will definitely have to remember all this advice as I venture out into the dating world again. My favorite is #2. Note to self: Do not to be a hooker.

AshleyDs last blog post..Some alone time

This is one of the greatest posts ever! I love it.

Sara Janes last blog post..The Writing’s on the Wall

This is perfect. I think you should write a book just filled with Brandy’s dating advice!

Saras last blog post..LOE

Great guest blog, Brandy! Ah the good old common sense style of dating!

Elle Bees last blog post..Quote of the day: heroes and she-roes

I agree, Jamie will own the internet one day.

You are completely right in everything you said Brandy! I think we actually tend to forget those five very important tips and try so hard to look for other more complicated explanations.

Maries last blog post..W Exits As BO Moves In

But what if you’ve only had voicemail and phone message sex? What THEN?

nicoleantoinettes last blog post..to body art or not?

If a man tells you something about himself, believe him. Especially if it something bad. I don’t know how many girlfriends (myself included) have heard “You are too good for me,” only to be proven right later.

The Maiden Metalluegists last blog post..I Love What You Do For Me – Toyota!

I’ve made predictions that one day, Oprah will have ownership of the internet (I know how much that makes you mad, Brandy) but after thinking about it…Jamie has a real shot at this.

I’m not just saying this because this is her blog and she has great hair…I’m saying it because there is a real chance here.

and when she does take it over I just want her to keep internet porn alive. Because thats important.

Matts last blog post..A sad life

Love the hooker line! Glad you could clarify that…

THe New Blacks last blog post..Talk about SWEET!

I can’t tell you how many times I have banged my head against a wall trying to get friends to truly understand #1.

Also, totally agree – when a man tells you something about himself…LISTEN.

Claires last blog post..The day I became a feminist

i think #1 is the KEY advice.

dmb5_libras last blog post..Conversations With My Sister

Haha, this post is awesome, I love the tips! Seriously, I MUST remember tip #1. And #2 is my favourite.

Rosiers last blog post..And That’s Why I Didn’t…

Fabulous list.

To go along with #2, if you often find yourself describing situations/disagreements/conversations to friends that you’ve had with a guy and asking “would that hurt your feelings?” or “do you think I’m overreacting” or anything of the sort, END it. Either (1) you need to do some work yourself before getting into a relationship or (2) the relationship just isn’t the right one hence all of these feelings/questions as to whether something is “off.” Relationships really don’t have to be that hard.

allys last blog post..Triste

Hahah, oh Brandy, I love this.

sarahbelledotcoms last blog post..prettysyndrome.com

I just… feel like I learned so much.

Peters last blog post..Help a Susie out?

Great great great advice! I need to always remember #1 and #5….I have a tendency to hopefullness and wishful thinking in the begining and avoidence at the end. Awesome post!

Suzs last blog post..Chivalry is Dead…

#1 should be blown up poster size and put on building across the nation.

Chriss last blog post..do this please

I adore you. This post cracked my shit up. I especially liked the part about “if you’ve only had phone sex” but I am probably the only person you know to whom that could have ever applied.

xoxox

Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoats last blog post..Better Late Than Never: It’s Contest Time!

Love the guest post! #1 is so true, but so many have a tough time getting that little factoid to stick to their gray matter!

The best relationship advice I’ve ever heard is pretty simple and sums up a lot, but I try to treat all my relationships with this nugget:

Be good to each other.

I love that.

Lilys last blog post..Roommate SSB

Not sure which will happen first: Brandy gets a self-help / beer drinkers’ guide book deal, or Jamie takes over the internet. Either way I’m happy. Good stuff lady. When I retire and start my talk show, know that you’re early on the guest list!

bethies last blog post..Sappy/Crappy/Quickie

“And if you are getting paid for sleeping with the guy? Then you are a hooker and not a girlfriend and this post doesn’t apply to you.” -Awesome.

“If you have sex in person, you need to dump them in person.”- was just thinking about that the other day. A rule I’ve nearly always held myself to, but sadly boys I know do not. Punks.

nics last blog post..Something Blue

This post is just plain awesome on so many levels! And soooooo true!

Carmens last blog post..I Didn’t Want to Jinx It…

K, first off every piece of advice in here is hilariously accurate (from a person not currently in a relationship) and I must start reading your blog ASAP. And also I agree Jamie will rule the internet one day.

Meghans last blog post..Carmen San Diego

These are all SO true.

So true. So true. I see why your friends are e-mailing you for advice.

melanies last blog post..Interview Week: Wednesday

Ha! Oh my gosh, this is amazing – I love number three. I think Mister and I may have be re-vamp our conflict resolution policy

I saved this post for the end of my day and I am SO glad I did. Even more so, I am SO glad that I read through all the comments so far. Hilarious, Brandy. Congrats on a kick-ass guest post. Quite possibly, my favorite guest post ever.

Tristan | the almost right words last blog post..The mystery, the beauty

If only I had read number one a few weeks/months/years ago. Wow. Good advice on all counts, I think I’ll recommend this to friends who are dumb about relationships.

Erins last blog post..Jobs I’d Like to Have

HAHAHAHAHAH!! Perfect list.

Debbis last blog post..Beating to my OWN drum

haha i absolutely adore what you did with #1 (the re-read part) that is soooooooo true.

alexa – cleveland’s a plums last blog post..the plum got a face lift

I read #4 aloud to my husband in bed tonight. Good stuff.

As a 30 something married dude, I add my unsolicited entry: Date whom your want, not whom your friends want. And also, No, you CANNOT change him/her.

its genius. its perfect. i love it. well done!

Allys last blog post..R.O.U.S(s)

“If you have sex in person, you need to dump them in person.” – love this!
I’m baffled that there are people out there that end a relationship over the phone: no backbone.
Good post.

JoeyGirls last blog post..Female vs. Female

[...] Some advice from another blogger: 5 relationship tips [...]

[...] Like the blind leading the blind… January 14, 2009 Posted by brandy in I’m yoda. Everyone else is a grasshopper, advice, guest post, lists, love or something like it, oh look! i have opinions.. trackback I am here. [...]

These are great tips!! I just stumbled across this blog, somehow.. I seriously don’t remember how..the wonders of the internet I tell you!

Wonderful writing, I am now off to peruse the rest of your blog..

i cannot agree more

phampantss last blog post..25 Things About Me(me)

#1 and #5 is so true If you give a enough time of your partner and if your partner have a some problem , you tries to analyzes the problem and you have a trust on our partner how can i happy of our partner. If your partner are saying something of you then keep trust on him
Veronica

K, first off every piece of advice in here is hilariously accurate (from a person not currently in a relationship) and I must start reading your blog ASAP. And also I agree Jamie will rule the internet one day.

<abbr></abbr><abbr>Meghans last blog post..Carmen San Diego</abbr>

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