I’m so sorry, Jamie. 2009 will be better. Have faith.

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By Maxie on 09.16.08 8:08 am | Permalink

I’m so sorry to hear this. I think you’re right about trying to find things to do. The healthiest thing to do is to keep your mind off of things. It’s so hard because you want to help your parents because they have always helped you, but life is hard.

Keep you chin up!

2009 will be here before you know it!

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By sara jane on 09.16.08 8:29 am | Permalink

{{{hugs}}}

I’m so sorry to hear about your problems at home.

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By Hope on 09.16.08 8:31 am | Permalink

family life is never really easy no matter what is going on. sorry to hear how stressful this is for you. ((hugs))

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By EmmaElizabeth on 09.16.08 8:38 am | Permalink

Do you tell your parents how you feel? Not in a “gosh I hate you ::slams door::” kind of way, but really sit down with them and discuss how you’re feeling? I know that’s pretty hard, but sometimes we lost sight of where we are, what we’re doing and how that’s affecting other people in our life. Not that I’m defending either of their behavior. Just saying…

I think keeping yourself busy is a pretty good idea. The less time you have to spend around the source of your frustration, the better. Find a hobby? Take a fun class that meets once or twice a week. A reading group or something.

You know you have a ton of people in the Blogosphere that you can lean on and who would jump at the chance to spend a little time with you and cheer you up.

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By Jenn on 09.16.08 8:46 am | Permalink

I am sorry you have to deal with all of this. 2009 will be here soon. We’re all here for you!

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By mandy on 09.16.08 8:49 am | Permalink

So sorry love. I totally get the overwhelmingness of it all, and the idea that you just can’t take anymore.

You really might need to make some changes to your life to get out of the house and away from the crazy. You have to take care of yourself.

~hug~

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By verybadcat on 09.16.08 8:52 am | Permalink

Oh peanut, I’m so sorry.

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By Dutchess of Kickball on 09.16.08 8:55 am | Permalink

Aw Jamie – this post makes perfect sense and you’re incredibly brave for putting this out there. Keep busy, read books, and if it’s going to damage you or your relationship with your parents get out of there. But be honest with them, if someone needs to say something to your mom you have the right to say it. Ditto for your Dad & brother.

Thinking about you.

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By Kyla Bea on 09.16.08 9:00 am | Permalink

I’m sorry. Sounds sucky.

It also sounds like getting out of there might be good for you if it is possible.

Take care of yourself the best you can and vent to the internet when needed.

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By Michelle on 09.16.08 9:01 am | Permalink

family troubles really ARE toxic. There’s no other way to put it.

I wish there was something I could do.

::hugs::

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By deutlich on 09.16.08 9:07 am | Permalink

A lot of us have been in these situations. My family was VERY toxic. I have close friends whose families are toxic. Heidi, for once. What did we do? We did something about it. Move out. Venting only takes you so far. If you really want to change something, you can, but you have to do it. You make your own life.

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By What Liz Said on 09.16.08 9:11 am | Permalink

I know there isn’t anything I can say to make it better, but I’m absolutely keeping you in mind and I hope things get better for you soon. hugs and hugs and hugs

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By sandy on 09.16.08 9:12 am | Permalink

So that statement at the beginning about how none of that made sense? A lie. It totally makes sense. And while I don’t have anything to say to make you feel better, I have been through divorce before with my parents at 18. It’s rough, but it does get better. And while it’s hard not having anyone to lean on, true friends come out of the woodwork to help you through. *hugs*

If you need to talk, let me know.

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By E.P. on 09.16.08 9:16 am | Permalink

Oh Jaime. I wish I could give you a big hug and take your out for MANY cupcakes. I have been in your spot when my father started dating and I was still living at home. I was 18 and he went on one date and he comes to the doorway of the bathroom while I’m getting ready for my classes and says, “I think your papa is in love.” It took everything in my being to not roll my eyes and say, “Oh what the fuck ever!” He is now married to this woman and she is not liked by anyone in the family and my dad is depressed because he realizes he made a HUGE mistake. For years it was drama drama drama. I couldn’t wait until I could get away from it all and live on my own. I know that a counselor is expensive, but if you need to talk we are always all here to give an e-shoulder if we can. ::hugs::

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By CurlySue on 09.16.08 9:17 am | Permalink

*hug*

thats all.

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By Matt on 09.16.08 9:27 am | Permalink

I think your feelings are completely valid. With all the changes in your family over the past year and the lack of support you feel from them, it’s normal to feel stresses out, angry, and frustrated. We are all here for you if you need to talk.

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By AshleyD on 09.16.08 9:33 am | Permalink

*Hugs*

Hope it gets better soon.

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By Missy on 09.16.08 9:34 am | Permalink

Even though you’ll be getting something in the mail from me next week (and I hope it cheers you up just a teeny bit), know that I’m sending you lots of hugs and hoping that all will be better for you soon. Like you said, we all need our family to remain strong because they are the ones who we depend on most. But we’re all here for you too.

*lots of hugs jamie*

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By Marie on 09.16.08 9:58 am | Permalink

okay, maybe I won’t take you on for Ben because you may let the anger out and kick. my. ass.

I feel you hon, irrational family drama can be ten times heavier then anything else you encounter.

*hugs*

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By Rachel M. on 09.16.08 10:01 am | Permalink

Oh, wow. That sucks so hard, and I’m really sorry that you have to go through all of that. It’s so difficult being the “sensible one” watching all of the “adults” parade around like they’re 14. I’m with Jenn, though. Do they really, truly know how you feel about this situation? Maybe with all that’s going on, they’re actually blind to how their actions are affecting their home life.

Either way, I know it’s hard, and know that if you ever need a place to rant, we’re always here for you!

:hug from far away:

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By poodlegoose on 09.16.08 10:03 am | Permalink

I’m really sorry, hon. This post has so much emotion in it… I wish I could do something for you besides lend my ear.

Maybe you could find a roommate through Craigslist? I know moving out on your own sounds expensive at first, but sharing the expense with someone can really make a world of difference.

XO

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By Amanda on 09.16.08 10:04 am | Permalink

oh i’m so sorry sweetie.

hoping things get better for you by the time the year ends.

::sending you good thoughts::

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By thatShortChick on 09.16.08 10:06 am | Permalink

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this! I really hope something gives soon–either you finding an awesome room mate or your mom moving out or whatever needs to happen.

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By Elizabeth on 09.16.08 10:39 am | Permalink

Uch. I had no idea that you were experiencing this, Jamie.

I cannot imagine what is going on in your mother’s mind, but I do know, from personal experience, that mother’s (and father’s too) can be crazy. And self-absorbed. And completely unaware of the long-lasting impact their behavior will inevitably have on their children.

I hope that this pass for you and that things calm down.

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By the almost right word on 09.16.08 11:08 am | Permalink

I’m sorry that you have to deal with all of this. Family issues are tough – and as an adult, they’re almost tougher. You see things more truly and it hurts more.

I say rely on the support you do have to get you through this and rant away here if it feels right.

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By Laurie on 09.16.08 11:31 am | Permalink

Totally not a rambling post; sometimes you do just need to vent it out. You have to decide what’s best for you. It’s hard to take that final step and move out — because then you really are independent and have all the baggage (and bills!) that comes with that. But in the end, if that’s what keeps you and the family in semi-good graces, that’s what has to be done.

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By Supergirl on 09.16.08 11:37 am | Permalink

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this…nothing hurts quite like the realization that your parents aren’t the people you can depend on.

I used to hurt all the time about something with my parents, and then one day in church (back when I went), the pastor said something that released me a little. I still call on it, and maybe it can bring you some relief, I don’t know. But he said we’re all taught that we have to love our parents and care more about them than the rest of humanity. But sometimes, they hurt us, they fail us, they cheat us of being the children. And when that happens, it’s ok to realize that they’re just 2 people on this whole planet and they don’t always have to be the barometer of love and loyalty. And while it sucks, it’s ok to realize that family isn’t always the people you’re related to.

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By Ginger on 09.16.08 11:39 am | Permalink

I know this might sound a little crazy, but i swear it helps. Go talk to someone. Bring your dad with you. Even if all you need is someone to vent to – just to get the poison out of your system – it’s a million times worth it.

My family went through a major crisis a few years ago when my sister got preggers by her loser bf the same year my mom found out she had cancer. Everyone went to talk to someone for a few months. It’s crazy how a stranger listening can make you feel less torn up & more whole.

Counselor, Therapist, Priest… Find someone who meets your need – whether straightforward & no excuses or mothering/nurturing type. Even if you don’t want to, it might be good for your dad. Hearing someone from outside of the family say that your mom living at home is not healthy for him might make it easier to accept.

*hug*

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By Grace on 09.16.08 11:56 am | Permalink

I’m sorry honey. Tough times all around I guess…

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By nicoleantoinette on 09.16.08 12:22 pm | Permalink

I’m So sorry and thinking of you! Hope everything brightens up and things get better around your house. I agree, it does help to talk with someone, and it doesn’t make you crazy. Just helps…

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By Rachel on 09.16.08 12:38 pm | Permalink

::hugs::

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By Sarah on 09.16.08 12:38 pm | Permalink

i’m so sorry to hear all this. it sounds so messy, which means it is clearly even messier than you can describe on your blog. but i really hope things turn around.
thinking of you. <3

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By well-intentioned heartbreaker on 09.16.08 1:06 pm | Permalink

I think you should probably just get out of that house. The negativity is going to drain you emotionally…as you are already experiencing, obviously. I’m sending positive thoughts your way though! You’ll pull through.

P.S…your mother? how do you even stand to look at her?!

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By chasingparadise on 09.16.08 1:21 pm | Permalink

*hug!!* hang in there! Your family will get it at some point. And until then, lean on your friends, your bf and your readers–you know they/we are all here for you!

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By Stealthnerd on 09.16.08 1:25 pm | Permalink

Oh bud, I’m so, so sorry. You should not have to deal with this…definitely time to move out. Do what you can to make it work. This is going to poison you.

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By Chris on 09.16.08 1:29 pm | Permalink

there’s nothing really to say except… that fucking sucks. I know how you feel, I went through the same sort of phase with my parents where they just kind of… stopped caring about anything but them. It killed me, so I made a point and I left. (i’m back now, but I think I scared them.)

Do what you think is right… i’m just worried about the school thing for you. I did the full time job and school while I was living at HOME and it was rough. But, you’re going to find your way through this… you’re a strong girl with a good heard on her shoulders.

if you ever need to talk, you know how to get me. xo

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By rachel on 09.16.08 2:16 pm | Permalink

Irrational? No. Selfish? No. That sounds like a tremendously difficult situation. I can only imagine how much stress you are under, especially with your Mom still living there.

I really hope something shifts for you. You deserve to be happy and free of these burdens.

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By sizzle on 09.16.08 2:40 pm | Permalink

I think this year has been pretty hard on a lot of people. at least people I know and “know” (re: blog buddies). I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time.

“…but you should be able to count on your family when you need them.” I completely understand where you’re coming from. I feel like I haven’t ever been able to depend on my family, crisis or no. there have been so many times in my life that I’ll look around and think, “Where are they?” It kills me. I hate the feeling of being alone in the world.

it’s a wonder what blogging does, though. ever since I started reading and writing blogs, I haven’t felt as alone. I hope the comments here help lift your spirits and help you keep truckin’ on a little longer, at least until you decide what you need to do.

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By MissB on 09.16.08 2:56 pm | Permalink

jamie just move to california and you can stay with me and matt. he won’t mind another roommate

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By katelin on 09.16.08 2:57 pm | Permalink

Oh lady! I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I know how painful it is when the people who are supposed to come through for you just can’t. Sending hugs!

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By Allie on 09.16.08 3:06 pm | Permalink

i remember when you first posted about this – i’m sorry that much hasn’t changed if at all even gotten better.

but you have blogger friends all over the country and in chicago and a fabulous boyfriend – make him your family : )

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By alexa on 09.16.08 4:23 pm | Permalink

My heart hurt when I read this. Nothing that one person can say could make this better for you. But just know that we’re thinking about you and hoping that somehow, someway, all of that crap goes away.

Just keep on hoping. And leaning on friends and boyfriend for support.

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By Kayleigh on 09.16.08 5:20 pm | Permalink

Hey sweetie – I don’t really know what to say besides you know you have a TON of bloggy friends that are here for you. And one in New York that you saw last night.

I’m sorry that this is still an ongoing saga in your family right now, and I can only hope that things start to get better for you soon.

Hugs!

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By Lacey Bean on 09.16.08 5:22 pm | Permalink

Hugs! I’ve been there and it sucks. Rant away!

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By Erin on 09.16.08 5:29 pm | Permalink

You are absolutely NOT the problem here. Your Mother sounds like a narcissist and your Dad sounds just like what you said, depressed and grasping at straws. I’m sorry you have to live in this situation, it’s truly toxic. I’m sorry your family has gone off the deep end, you clearly have NOT. HUGS

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By Vanessa on 09.16.08 6:30 pm | Permalink

I’m really truly sorry you’ve had to deal with all of this. You’re too nice of a girl to have this happen to you.

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By Katie on 09.16.08 7:07 pm | Permalink

Oh, honey. That is a rough place to be in. Hold on, things will eventually get better. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

You deserve nothing but sunshine and puppies.

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By Katie on 09.16.08 7:26 pm | Permalink

That sounds awful. Maybe taking some time off to save up wouldn’t be the worst idea?

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By e. on 09.16.08 10:21 pm | Permalink

Oh, sweetie, that sounds so very stressful. It is so hard being the only sane one in your family, as it puts so much pressure on you, especially because you can’t just neglect these relationships. I hope you are able to get some peace and space soon.

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By Princess Pointful on 09.17.08 1:05 am | Permalink

jamie, i’m so sorry. that is awful, my parents divorced 7 years ago and it still haunts me. It’s so sad and it almost feels like I no longer have an actual “famiy” anymore. It’s heartbreaking to see the people who made you go their separate ways.

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By La Petite Belle on 09.17.08 8:57 am | Permalink

sorry to hear of all the stress. you obviously have a lot of friends here that are here for you. like me! and i hope the stress lessens, though i know it must seem infinite right now.

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By Jessica Maria on 09.18.08 12:39 am | Permalink

Well fuck. all of that just sucks. if i had some sort of “this sucks” award your situation would get it and I’m very sorry about that =(

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By Anonymous Amy on 09.19.08 9:30 am | Permalink

Oh, honey. That is a rough place to be in. Hold on, things will eventually get better. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

You deserve nothing but sunshine and puppies.

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By Katie on 10.30.09 7:45 pm | Permalink