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Exactly what it’s supposed to be called

June 17, 2008 | guest post

Hello everyone.

I’m Chris and I write at my site surviving myself, but because Jamie thinks I am quite lovely too, she invited me to guest post here today while she’s at Disney World.

I have to admit, I’m not really that happy with that introduction. I am writing for a whole new set of readers and the above paragraph is what I come up with?

Terrible.

I bet Jamie is shaking her head right now and saying, “I knew I shouldn’t have asked Chris to do this!”

And I bet Mickey is agreeing with her.

But that doesn’t surprise me because Mickey and I – well, we had a bit of a falling out. And no, I’d rather not talk about that right now. Okay, fine, Mickey stole a woman I was in love with and for years every time I saw anything remotely Disney related I flew into a murderous rage.

But I’m fine with it now because I hear she got fat.

So let me start over.

I’m Chris and I have the privilege of posting here today.

See, I don’t even like that one. In fact, I don’t even really like my name.

Chris.

It’s so damn boring, isn’t it?

When I was young I used to want to change my name to Sebastian.

Sebastian!

How bad is that???

How I ever thought Sebastian was a good name for anyone other than someone who appears on the cover of romance novels with flowing hair and maybe guys who write Dark Poems About Serious Things is beyond me.

But I did. I hated my name.

I think everyone does at some point.

At some time in all of our lives we think to ourselves, “My parents are such morons! I should change my name and then they’ll understand who I really am!”

But usually that rebellious cry is followed by us sitting down and watching Mr. Belvedere and forgetting the whole stupid thing.

So unfortunately I’m stuck with the name Chris and not Something Awesome like “Danger Man” and unfortunately you just read this entire post about nothing.

Life is unkind.

40 Comments so far
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Oh Chris. At least your name can hold its own when you introduce yourself. Mine results in a two-minute discussion of, “Matt? John? Bob? Pin? Pen? Pig? Anastacia?”

Three-letter names are not enough.

Danger Man would be a cool name. I say you legally change it!

I used to want to change my name to Kimberly. Because of the pink Power Ranger. Yeah, I was cool

Danger Man… yes, I can see that.

However, Chris is a perfectly lovely name. I’d stick with that if I were you.

What’s wrong with Sebastian?!

Not to rain on your anti-Disney parade, but Sebastian was totally the name of the crab in The Little Mermaid.

But to make you feel better, there was a good 6-month stint around age 4 when I wanted to change my name to Snow White.

under the sea….

Well it was a huge surprise to see you here.

Mine was Lois. Then I woke up.

Now I want to watch Mr. Belvedere. I haven’t seen that show in such a long time!

And I never wanted to change my name although for a while, I wanted to change the spelling of it. Luckily, I didn’t go through with it.

Dude…try having a last name like mine. I wanted to change my name every single day.

However, if I was going to change my first name…I would change it to something like Gunner or Jebadiah…that way people could gall me Jeb, or JB.

I once loved Sebastian Bach of Skid Row fame. I should maybe not use my real name on the internet.

Hi Chris! I like your name- better than Sebastian, but I also went through a time where I hated my name- my name is Carmen and I wanted a normal name. Like Sarah or Jessica or Laura. But now that I’m older (24, not that old) I think Carmen fits me. It’s kind of strange, and if you knew me you’d know I’m strange (ok I’ll be nice to myself and call myself “unconventional” instead of strange) and different. I’m sorry you had a falling out with Mickey- he freaks me out.

Mickey is a whore.

I’m fine with my name, I just hate the fact that so many other people born around the same time have it. There were two other Justins in my smallish middle school class. Annoyed the shit out of me.

Worst thing about it was that one of the other Justins was one of the Cool Kids who all the 7th and 8th grade girls swooned for. I’d hear some group of dreamy-eyed teens talking about “Justin” and get my hopes up, only to be crushed with shrieks and screams of “Ohmygod not YOU, the CUTE Justin” when they noticed I was listening.

Pretty sure they all have herpes now, though. The genital kind.

i thought i was going to be able to give a big IN YOUR FACE to you on the whole, everyone hates their name thing. but then i remembered second grade, when we learned to read and write and spell better. no one ever spelled my name right. spelling it for people was like an audio recording I had to constantly replay.

scourge! you win, damn it, you always do.

I had a dog growing up named Sebastian. We called him Sebbie. You could have been Sebbie.

Change your name to Mr. Belvedere. Do it.

My fake name is Penelope.

That was one of the best guest posts I have ever read.

And Sebastian is an awesome name. Makes me think of Cruel Intentions though.

Clearly you got Sebastian from The Little Mermaid.

I came [this close] to being called Marina. Cringe.

my boyfriend is trying to convince me to name our first born apocalypse…and i’m actually kind of liking the idea. who is gonna fuck with a kid named apocalypse?!

i guess i always just thought sebastians hung out with mermaids named ariel.

badumbum.

for serious though, i once had a crush on a sebastian who was an exchange student. i made him a hemp necklace and he made me a necklace with a guitar pick on it. swoon.

were you a little mermaid fan? is that where the sebastian craze came from? it’s okay you can admit it.

Even though Sebastian is a Disney name, too. Lol!

I have a friend who’s middle name is Sebastian. Since he’s becoming an Important Playwright, he’s going by Sebastian now. I think it’s awesome.

Lauren is alright, but as a child I wanted to be called Jem. I think that’s only because she was truly outrageous. ( http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/jem.jpg )

Sebastian…I think I like Chris better!

Whoa. . . I completely forgot about Mr. Belvedere until I saw that intro clip. How could I have forgotten about Mr. Belvedere?! I’m sorry, but I have better things I could be doing right now.

Dear Sebastian,

Love your name.

Love,

Clara

I work with a guy named Sebastian and he is French and looks like he walked right off of the cover of a romance novel……Chris is a great name. My first crush in Kindergarten was on a guy named Chris.

You should have used a fake name for your blog. It’s never too late. Welcome to the blogosphere danger man.

My first name is Brooke, and when I was young I was totally paranoid that people were going to think I was a boy, mostly because someone told me once that Brook could be a boy’s name. So I avowed that I was going to change my name the day I turned 18… to “Aquamarina.” Yeah.

Thank God I wised up.

It’s all in how you say it. If you pronounce it “Chrrris” or “Chriiis”, it changes everything.

Streaks on the china. Never mattered before. Who cars?

I had a boss named Sebastian for a while and he. Was. Awful. AND he had long flowing hair. NO shit. I guess it comes with the territory.

AND i hate my name, too. At least most people pronounce Chris correctly. Most people pronounce Jamie correctly, too. IF i ever have children, I am giving them names that have one single pronunciation. Just one. ONE.

Um… whenever I hear “Sebastian” I think “singing lobster.”

However, I have no room to talk because for a brief period I wanted to have the name VICTORIA PENN. Ugh. It’s embarrassing to even THINK.

I think you should call yourself Christopher though, because it is always followed by “Robin” in my mind… unless you have something against Pooh also?

what’s wrong with the name ‘victoria penn’?!

[...] had Danger Man himself, the lovely and talented Brandy who tells us girls in relationships how it is, Deutlich who is [...]

I work with a guy named Sebastian and he is French and looks like he walked right off of the cover of a romance novel……Chris is a great name. My first crush in Kindergarten was on a guy named Chris.

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